TurboNurse

Let's start off with the good because I like good. Good is happy and fun.

I weighed in this morning and saw that I lost another 2 pounds much to my surprise. I didn't have time to measure so I don't know how everything else turned out. My next small/big goal is to get below 170. That would be awesome and I'm so close!!!!!

Last week was rough as far as the diet goes. I ate out 3 times and tried my best to do the balancing game. Apparently it worked but it was really hard. The most difficult day was Friday when we ate out for lunch (it was the end of clinicals) and then Scott and I went out for dinner that night to a pizza place (Il Vicino) with friends we hadn't seen in a while. I ordered a healthy sounding sandwich, not pizza, had them hold the dressings and add extra good stuff like tomatoes. Did I mention lunch on Friday was at a bar? Bars do not equal healthy food but I did my best with a ham and cheese sandwich, hold the mayo. I did splurge on fries and a Corona Light (with a lime of course!) and they were sooooo good!

This whole injury thing is really starting to take it's toll on me mentally. I had been doing very well in holding it all off but something changed over the weekend and now I'm totally down in the dumps about it.

It seems that everywhere I go I see people running and I want so badly to be one of those people! I remember what it was like to be one of those people! It was fantastic! It's hard though because every time I see someone running, I feel like I'm being slapped in the face with reality.

My mind is really starting to get the best of me. It seems silly to me that I would feel like this but I do and it's very real. I try as hard as I can to get my fix but nothing seems to really help. Swimming doesn't get my heartrate up, plus it hurts my ankle if I do it too long and I can only do the eliptical for 20 minutes which is enough to get the heart rate up if I put the resistence up high (which I do) but it's not long enough for all the "make me feel good" chemicals in my brain to get going and that is what I'm really missing out on. I know this is wrong on every level but I'm so tempted to go into the gym and hit the elliptical for a good 45 minutes at a good pace with the resistance up there (8-9/10). I think that may start to trigger the feel good stuff again.

I miss me and I'm sure everyone else around me misses the old me too. I'd like to apologize now for how I've changed over the past few weeks. I just want you to know that I really am trying my best and I'm doing everything possible to be in a good mood.

I never really believed in being addicted to running until now. When someone says they are addicted, I totally understand and can relate! There's nothing like moving your feet over the ground (especially the trails!), feeling your heart beat and your breath coming evenly, in, out, in, out, thump, thump, thump, thump. Then the only sounds you hear are those of your footsteps, your light breathing, and those of the world happening around you while you are on your morning communte as well.

I always get a kick out of running the paseo trail/north diversion channel during rush hour in the morning. I love to think how everyone is going through their morning communte to their offices all stressed out about what their day is going to bring them and here I am, "commuting" in the only way a runner really can. Totally free of stress and care and worry. It really is a great and beautiful feeling. I also know I can go home and have some more coffee. That makes it all the more sweet.

More good news is that the pain in my foot is greatly reduced. I tried yoga last night. I did yoga fit's Powerful Yoga. It's a great DVD and I really enjoyed it but I'm feeling it today. My whole upper body is sore and my ankle is a little sore as well.

Seeing as I was working a flu clinic yesterday and it was dead and I had a lot of time on my hands, I did a little more research on what's going on with my ankle. The best description that I found from the mayoclinic.com and medscape.com is that my bone isn't broken but my cartilage is.

So yes, I am officially broken.

Today is a real tough mental day for me because I want to go work out but with the way my body reacted to doing the yoga last night, I know it would not be a smart thing to do. I'm craving my fix so bad that it's killing me though! I wish I could just put on my running shoes and go run my 3 mile loop (that is now partially torn up due to a road being built but it's still there!) right out my door.

To add a little sting to this, Scott comes home yesterday with mint chocolate ice cream. Now if you know me well, and I'm sure you do now, you know that mint chocolate ANYTHING is right up there with chocolate and peanutbutter. I just can't resist it and when you put it in ice cream, it's toast. Come to my tummy!

What I'm saying is that Scott comes home with one of the worst possible foods for me to have in the house right now because ice cream is a comfort food for me.

Scott is also working nights this week and then is going to Tuscon for the bike race on Thrusday and won't be home until Sunday. I'm really wondering how I'm going to deal with this. I have a feeling I'm going to be at the gym a lot.