TurboNurse

I wonder some days if it is possible to know just enough to be dangerous but to not know enough to know not to do something wrong or that something has gone wrong.

I had my first 1:1 baby today and at the end of my shift, this is what I was thinking.  I felt very good about how things went and how I handled all of what went on.  It was a very successful day.  At the end though, since my confidedence was up, that's when I started thinking.

I feel like I know just enough to be dangerous.  On the flip side, I don't know enough that also makes me dangerous.

I guess you could say I am teeter totering right now on the edge and I feel like I'm dangerous.

Dangerous.  There.  I had to use the word one more time just because I needed the laugh.

Anyway, I feel like things are going along nicely now.  I was frustrated yesterday at work because we had a really easy 3 baby assignment (normal is 2).  They were basically flip em over, clean em, and feed em.   A girl that went to school with me (graduated at the same time) was also working and she has taken care of several very sick kiddos and I hadn't taken care of any.  So yesterday I laid the hint on really hard that I felt like I was ready to take a sick kiddo because I felt, and do still feel, like I am behind in where I should be.

I've been taking care of stable vented patients for a good month now.  We had one that went south on us and was super super busy/sick but it's different when it happens during a shift than when you come on.  Plus this kid wasn't on any vasoactive drips, we were just busy doing workups and whatnot on him so up to this point, I had zero experience with vasoactive drips.

I got my fill today and feel good about it.  While it is different from dealing with adults on Levo, at the same time there are a lot of similarities so I actually wasn't intimidated by it at all.  I had taken care of several adults on levo when I was doing my preceptorship in an adult ICU.

There are so many ethical issues that come up in an ICU setting.  If you let yourself start to feel emotion, I can see how someone could easily crumble and fall into pieces.

I tend to put on my "nurse face" when I go into work to prevent that from happening.  I focus on what needs to be done while giving compassionate care to my families and babies but at the end of the day, it's a job.

Yes it can be disappointing to think that we go through all of this and put the baby through all of this on just a slim chance that it may survive.  If you stop to really think about it at work, it's done.  Game over.

I wish I could just explain it better but it's just something that we do to be able to come back day after day and take care of these kids.

Don't get me wrong, there is a TON of good that also comes out of the unit.  More good than bad.  At the same time you also have to realize that we have the highest mortality rate of any other unit in the hospital so it's as good as it is bad.

Either way I love my job and plan on being there for years to come.