TurboNurse

First off, one of the hardest things about starting a blog is coming up with a title.  Sometimes it comes just like that and other times I have absolutely no clue what to call it.  Why does a blog really have to have a title anyway?  It's not like I'm writing a chapter in a children's book.  Why can't I just number them 1, 2, 3, etc like they do in regular books? 

Just some food for thought.

So life is life.  Work has been going well.  Every day I'm learning to stand on my own two feet with more confidence.  I still fall down at least several times a day but it seems I'm not falling as hard as I used to.  That's a good thing.

I attempted to sleep in just a little bit this morning but my body decided it was time to wake up at 7:30.  My alarm wasn't set until 8:30.  I figure that if I'm awake enough to turn over, look at the alarm clock and fully register what time it is, I need to get out of bed.  Which I did.

It was kind of nice.  Scott was still asleep so I made myself a nice, mostly clean, breakfast of Cream of Wheat.  Cream of Wheat itself is a clean food but it becomes mostly clean when you add sugar to it.  Maybe more on that later.

Back on track now, I made myself some coffee and curled up in a nice comfy chair which is sitting in front of our sliding glass door and worked on my bible study before going this morning.  It was just me, the cats, and the bird.  Hanging out like we do.  I haven't done this in a long time.

I think I am paying for it a little right now though.  I was really wanting to go to the gym today but I'm so tired that if I went right now, I wouldn't get the workout that I want.  Instead, I will rest this afternoon and attempt to go tonight after the husband goes to school.  The downside is that the gym will be more busy but it's a risk I'm willing to take. Haha!

The Day of the Tread is coming up quickly.  I'm so excited about it!  I'm also excited that even though I haven't run much this year, I still have a nice fall goal to look forward to.  I don't know what I would do if I didn't set any sort of goal for myself.  Goals are what keep us going and growing as human beings.  If we just stop at the bar and don't raise it, where is the incentive to become a better person, to grow and expand our wings?  There isn't any.  It all has to come from us and those around us who may realize things in us that we don't see.

That being said, I feel I've grown a lot in these past few months in goals that I have made.  Even though I haven't cycled like I would like to, I feel my bike handling skills have improved greatly and I'm feeling very good about that.  I have been struggling with Tae Kwon Do this past month and last night it seemed that something clicked and I "got it".  We also did a lot of kicks between our patterns.  Our instructor told us we would probably be sore the next day from it.  I'm not sore one bit!  All this time I have put into training, both in and out of the gym, is starting to pay off in ways I didn't realize it would so soon.  The pattern I've been lamenting about, Won-Hyo, is finally becoming second nature to me because I've practiced it so much.  Last but not least, when I did my warmups last night before class, I was able to do 15 regular (not on my knees since they aren't allowed) pushups in a row!  Wohoo!!!! 

I guess all those pushups I do in the bathroom at work, plus weight lifting is starting to pay off.  At least two out of three days that I work, I make a goal of doing 10 regular pushups every time I go to use the bathroom which turns into anywhere from 30-50 pushups in one day.  I still don't feel like I could mention that I do this to my coworkers though.  I think they would look at me like I had three eyes and a missing limb or something.  I mean, who really works out at work?  I don't know if they would fully understand my drive and determination to be the best I can be and to give all I have to everything I do. 

Am I so strange to be so dedicated to something I enjoy so much? 

There is just something about Tae Kwon Do that really helps take my mind of all of the stresses in my life.  It's that one hour, twice a week (I wish it were more) that I can absolutely let go of everything that has been bothering me and concentrate on one thing that I tend to neglect.  Me.  My spiritual/mental health.

I can't describe the joy I get when I land a real nice kick or punch on someone.  It's so gratifying (spelling?).  Every time I land a technique on someone, it's like I'm letting go of that small piece of stress that has been holding me back from being the best I can be.

I'm going to be very honest right now.  I've been dealing with some anger.  I'm not sure why this has come up now and I can't identify exactly what triggered it or caused it.  Because of this, I need this release more than ever right now.  It's amazingly helping me through this.  It's helping me keep my mind together so I don't just randomly blow up on someone who doesn't deserve it.  Cycling has also helped me with this.  When I cycle, I forget everything as well and just focus on the now and how I feel.

Cycling makes me feel free.  I can cover great distances in a reasonable amount of time and not be completely spent for the rest of the day.  I can see so many different things in one ride, each bringing with it it's own set of emotions.  What I most enjoy is the solitude I find even in a group.  I don't feel like I have to talk to anyone if I don't want to.  If I want to break away from the pack, I just do a little sprint to get ahead.  If I feel like talking or just being around people, I will slow down and ride in the pace line for a while.

I feel like I'm slowly finding my equilibrium again.  It hasn't been easy and the road ahead will have some bumps I'm sure.  Either way, I'm not giving up.