So I survived my first semester of nursing school. It truly is the hardest thing I've done. Nursing school changes everything. It's not bad though because I have this wonderful career ahead of me. I'm looking forward to being a nurse!
I applied for several nurse extern positions but didn't even get called in for an interview. I called the HR department of where I applied and talked to a recruiter. She said to call her direct next time a position comes open. I'm taking that as a good sign. Hopefully one will come up again before I graduate. It would be nice to take what I'm learning in school and use it for real. Yes I use it in clinical but our instructor had to be there for almost everything so it was hard being supervised that closely. I wasn't a fan of it.
I ended up with a B for my fist semester. The kicker is that I was 5 points away from an A and if they rounded, I would have had an A. On a good note, there was only one person I saw who got an A out of 64 people so I think I ended up second in my class which is really really cool. I tried my best this past semester and if I really am second in my class, it was worth all the tears and breakdowns I had. I just hope second semster goes better. I also aced the CCT exam. We are supposed to get a 90% to pass and I got a 97%! Woot!
A lot is going on right now. I've been doing a lot of praying lately for some of my friends. I've also been praying for myself. I'm trying to figure out if someone I thought was a friend really is. I know this person is going through some rough times but it bothers me that they haven't told me anything. I've found it all out second hand. So I'm kind of stepping back. I did kind of confront this person so we'll see what happens from here.
I just found out yesterday that a girl I go to school with, her sister passed away. My prayers are going out to her as well.
It just seems that for a time out from school there hasn't been too much down time. Lots of changes have happened and it's only been a week since I've been out. I was really hoping to relax during this time but so many things are changing.
With my friend above comes the biggest changes. There was a separation there and a lot of us are friends with both. That's the biggest thing on my mind right now. I don't know the whole story which is fine for now. It will come out when it is supposed to. The hard thing is just thinking about how it's going to change our friendships. One of them wrote and told certain people what is going on and that they didn't want anything to change but that's impossible. It's hard when people expect things to not change when in situations like this, change is inevitable. I just keep praying to God to help me though this. I know this is especially tough on those two and it's hard for us as well.
On a more happy note I have my first race since San Antonio this Sunday. I'm going to run the 10k in the Run for the Zoo. This will be my 5th year running this race in a row. I'm a streaker! Hahahahahahaha! And I'm proud of it!
I don't know how I'll do but this race has always been more for fun than a PR. I'm running the 10k which is 6.2 miles. I really like 10k races and not many good ones come up through the year so I don't get a chance to do many of them. I've done less 10k's than I have half marathons! How funny is that?!?!?!
As always I'm really looking forward to the race. I'm going with some friends tonight to pick up my packet. This should be fun.
In a week and a half is my first ever triathlon! I'm really really excited about this. I feel ready and confident. I hope it turns out to be as much fun as I think it will be. The downside is I don't think Scott will be able to make it. I'm really bummed about this but I have some friends coming to cheer for me that are just like family so it will all work out in the end. I know it will. I love my friends and how we all support each other. A lot of us who are doing the triathlon on May 10 will be doing this for the first time so it will be fun.
The only thing I'm not really sure of is the swim because I've heard it's brutal but I'm sure I'll do fine when I get there. I'm not expecting great times on the swim. If I can do the 400 meters in the 7 minute range I'll be happy. I'd love to get it down to the 6 minute range.
I think if I really tried I could do it too it just depends on how many people are in the way. I've done a lot of form training with my swimming and it's come a long way since I started swimming seriously in January. I feel more smooth and efficient in the water now. My swimming endurance has greatly improved as well. I'm now able to swim 300 yards breathing every 3 strokes instead of the every 2 I was doing before. I haven't been practicing my flip turns although if things go well at this triathlon, I will put them back in my training for the next tri which is August 1 so I have enough time to refine things even more.
For my last long swim I did 2 miles! It took me about one hour forty minutes but I did it!
I've always felt like I should be in the water. I've had so much fun training for this tri and seeing the improvements it's brought to the other parts of it (biking and running). I feel I've become more efficient all around. Yay!
If I keep liking it the way I do now, I'm definately sticking with it. I'm already thinking about signing up for this same triathlon next year.
We'll see. Only God knows now and if it's in His plan so be it. If not, well so be it as well. :-)
So a lot has happened since I've been here last.
I'm getting ready to take my final exam in lecture this week, along with the CCT test that I have to get a 90% on to pass.
Clinical is over and I passed that. I'm still struggling with the nursing diagnosis though. For some reason I just have a hard time with that. Hopefully the more I do it, the more it will make sense. That was probably the hardest part of the whole care plan deal.
So anyway, I've been busy. The Jay Benson triathlon is coming up in less than a month. The first week of May is my audition at church to sing a feature song.
I'm so nervous. I don't know why but it just really hit me this morning. I was sitting in church last night and it was on jobs and doing what you love and loving what you're doing. The basis of the sermon was that God gave you talents to use and when you find that sweet spot where your ability and your passion cross, that is what you are supposed to do.
It really got me thinking which has made me more nervous. I've always had an aptitude for music and the creative arts. I've been praying to God ever since I signed up to let me know that I am doing the right thing. Is this a sign? Who knows but I trust God so I trust that I must be doing the right thing by Him. How much more obvious could it be?
The problem is convincing myself. Yeah it may sound like I'm 100% sure above but inside I'm so insecure and nervous and scared about this whole thing that it would be so easy just to walk away. But I can't. That's the good news. God has put me in this position for a reason and if I walk away now, I may regret it for the rest of my life. Quitting and walking away is NOT an option. No way no how.
I know that He will give me the confidence I need when I go to step on that stage but now I'm so scared. I compare it to the first day of school. You're walking into the building scared out of your mind because you are leaving behind all that is familiar and walking head first into the unknown. So many new things to experience to bring us to new heights. So many things to take us outside of our comfort zones and help us grow as humans. It's scary stuff!
I've been told in the past that I have a good voice. I love to sing. I love to sing in church. I love to touch people's hearts and bring them to Christ through song. Seems a perfect fit huh? Only God knows! I wish I were that sure of myself.
This has been quite a humbling experience for me. It's really brought me back down and I've learned a lot from the process.
As I was sitting in church last night listening to the feature song I kept thinking about how that could be me up there having that much fun while getting the word of God out to the masses. I just sat there and smiled the whole time. I pray to God that it all works out and that I'm doing the right thing.
God, give me the strength and the courage to get out there and do what you have set in my heart. Don't let me ignore the knocking on the door and let me open up that door and embrace what is on the other side with open arms, open heart, and an open mind. God, if this really is where my ability and my passion meet, then I pray that I am able to carry out what you have set for me to do. Nothing would be more fulfilling than brining someone to You through song and the abilities you have set inside me. In the Father's name. AMEN.
What is done is done. I talked to the organizer for the group that I coach for and told him that I just can't do the marathon group this year because school is kicking my butt. He is good with it and actually that was his first question if it had to do with school. :-)
So then a few minutes later I asked him if he had ever thought of doing an advanced program for the half where we run more miles and he was a-ok with that too! I was all expecting to plead my case for it but come to find out another girl is going to be leading an advanced marathon group this year so it makes sense!
It's amazing how God will take care of you when you listen to him. He's been telling me since school started that I need to back down but it took me a while to listen to Him and now that I have.................. I'm so glad I did.
I'm starting to come to the realization that I can't do it all and it sucks.
I realized this week that our next test is coming up next week already and I don't feel ready for it. So much of my time is devoted to school that I don't have the time available that I used to for things like running.
So now I'm contemplating NOT doing a marathon this year and instead just doing a half. The reason is that the training takes half the time and the recovery is a lot shorter and easier than the marathon. I won't be as tired from the training so I can concentrate on school still and not let it slip by. It will also keep me active.
Another reason for it is to try for a half marathon PR. I did fairly well in San Antonio when I PR'd in that marathon and I'd be disappointed if I didn't PR again this year so maybe it would be wise to work on a PR in my HM instead. It's very reasonable and attainable with school.
This way I can go out with a double bang. A marathon and half marathon PR.
I say this because next year we will probably start having kids and I know I won't be able to be as active as before due to pregnancy. I'll still stay active and be out there with the group but it will be a slower me with a belly. It should be fun actually.
I'm scared and excited all at the same time because I will be graduated from nursing school AND starting a family. Two things I've waited a long time for. I'm really looking forward to a family. Ever since I met my husband, I've seen him as a wonderful, caring, and loving dad. That really means a lot to me since I didn't get the chance to grow up with my dad who has the same characteristics in parenting as my husband. I want my children to have both parents in their lives.
So now I have a lot of thinking to do about this.
It's really hard to realize that you have to give up something that you love so much and keeps you healthy. I'm thinking maybe I'll focus on a triathalon as well because that will round out my fitness.
You see, my ultimate goal is to get into the best possible shape before I have kids so that I can recover fast and get back to being the active person that I am. I also want to be healthy so I will have the energy to keep up with the kids. That's a HUGE concern for me since I'm having kids a little later (I'll be 30) in life when things may start to slow down. I'm going to do my best to be involved and active with my kids.
I want to be the best mom I possibly can and I won't be able to do that if I don't take care of myself. When I take care of myself, I will be taking care of my whole family because I will be happier and have more energy to do what I need to do.
Yeah I'm a slug today. I woke up somewhere between 0615 n 0630 and have accomplished only one thing for the day. Doseage homework and that sucked. Otherwise my butt has been plastered to this computer chair. I'm begining to think that the computer is evil. I should be napping now but instead I'm here.
I worked yesterday. Man, was it a long day! Luckily my side wasn't busy with call bells but rather we were acuity busy if that makes sense. In a way I'd rather be busy with call bells becasue anyone can answer them while you are doing your other work but when it's acuity that gets you, all your time and energy goes to that sick person or people. It was people in my case yesterday.
Then on top of not feeling like I was doing my job that well as far as ADL's go, I find out that I'm working with someone who is a clinical instructor at my school! So now I'm totally freaking out because I know people talk. Especially nurses and I'm sure she'll talk about me to other instructors. I just hope it's good but now that I know this, I will be on pins and needles every time I work with her and it's not a good feeling. It's kind of this impending doom feeling that I get because I feel like I have to impress her so that she doesn't talk bad about me to other instructors. I feel like I have to convince her that I really am a good worker and know my stuff.
I just don't know what to do and it's driving me nuts.
So church on Saturday night was just AMAZING!!!!!!!! The message was just what I needed to hear. When the service ended I looked at the husband and told him that this service reminded me of when we first started going to this church 1.5 years ago. This series has really spoken to my heart. It's amazing and it makes me proud to say that I am a part of this church. I want to tell the world about this place! This is my home. That's for sure!
Running is going OK. I'm going to a track workout tonight. The weather looks like it will be good so I'm looking forward to that. Maybe that's what I need, just to get out.
I've never been one that has been able to sit comfortably at home all day. I have to get out and get some fresh air or else I go stir crazy! I remember being at my dad's house when I was little, like 5, 6, 7 years old and feeling this way. He would see it and ask if I had "cabin fever" and I'd tell him yes. He is so good to me. So anyway, he would take me to the park for a few hours and I remember feeling so much better after! They usually say like father like son but in my case it's more along the lines of.........like father like daughter. And I'm A-OK with that!!! :-)
I still don't know when the auditions for church are going to happen but I've been singing every day to make sure I'm ready. I'm hoping I can get with someone who plays guitar and practice with them before I go in for the real thing. I'm so nervous at the thought of doing a feature song but at the same time I have to try. I can't explain exactly why I have to try, I just do. The worst thing that can happen is they say no and I still get to participate in the choir. I may be a little bummed if they say they can't use me (OK a lot bummed) but I still have the choir. Overall I'm just happy to be involved in the ministery and I'm sure I'll go wherever God needs me. I just have to put my faith and trust in Him and know that He will take care of me.
We tried to get ahold of the brother in law on his birthday last week but we couldn't so I went to his myspace page and saw that he's logging in on that. I sent him a message. I hope he replies. It's amazing how the DH and the BIL are polar opposites! The BIL barely graduated high school and is now kind of "wandering" around working when he wants/can (he does landscaping and doesn't work in the winter). I worry about him a lot. I'd hate to see him get into serious trouble. He's that kind of guy that it would come easily for him. He's the closest thing I have to a "real" brother and I love him to death. I'd fight to the end for him if I had to. It would break my heart if anything ever happened to him. I keep praying that one day he will grow up and become a responsible adult holding a steady job and getting his life in order. He's young though and I have to remind myself of what I was like at that age. I'm sure people said the same things about me. It's amazing what growing older does to you and I'm not even 30 yet!!!!!!!!!
So I did my first ever injection today! Wohoo!!!! It was pretty exciting! Our whole day today was on med admin and our group ended with this.
I was so nervous! They had us practice a few times before doing it. I ended up going through 3 practice needles becasue I kept bending them! The first one I bent while getting the air bubbles out and the second one was a different syringe and I think I bent the needle when I recapped it. Third time was the charm!
Before we did the injections on each other we had to show our instructor one more time our technique to make sure we had it down and then we went for it!
It wasn't so bad! I was the first in line to recieve and my partner did a really good job. We were all nervous though and it showed! I was trembling but when it came right down to it, the trembles and nerves stopped because I was concentrating so hard.
I did my injection and all went very smoothly! It felt really good to finally do that first one. Hopefully next time I won't be so nervous. I had our instructor double check to make sure all the bubbles were out and that I had the right amount.
Yeah baby!
I'm so aggravated. I tried so hard on this last test. I studied my ass off and I got an 88. I put a lot of time and effort into this. I guess the good thing is that I did better on this test than the first and the material is harder now but still! SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So then today I'm in the lab trying to check off on some skills and it took FOREVER to get it done. I was in the lab right around 1030 and didn't leave until after 1430!!!!!!! Do the math. That's 4 HOURS in the lab today.
What that means is that I had to forgo a run with my friends because I wouldn't have had time to study before I saw them and I really need to study.
I'm so frustrated right now. I try so hard to get an A yet I seem to be missing it every time! It's not like I'm not trying! I really don't want a B. I want to keep my grades good. It's very important to me!
I know there's always a next time for an A but the longer it takes to happen, the harder it will be to bring my average in the class up there. I don't want to just settle, I want to try my best.
I just don't know what to do. I feel like getting an A is impossible but I guess I'll just keep trying. It will come eventually. I just have to trust in the guy in the sky.
On a happy note I got an email from church today for the next choir sign up and I'm super excited about that.
This week has some potential to turn up. Today just really threw me off with being in the lab for 4 hours. Ugh!
