What is done is done. I talked to the organizer for the group that I coach for and told him that I just can't do the marathon group this year because school is kicking my butt. He is good with it and actually that was his first question if it had to do with school. :-)
So then a few minutes later I asked him if he had ever thought of doing an advanced program for the half where we run more miles and he was a-ok with that too! I was all expecting to plead my case for it but come to find out another girl is going to be leading an advanced marathon group this year so it makes sense!
It's amazing how God will take care of you when you listen to him. He's been telling me since school started that I need to back down but it took me a while to listen to Him and now that I have.................. I'm so glad I did.
I'm starting to come to the realization that I can't do it all and it sucks.
I realized this week that our next test is coming up next week already and I don't feel ready for it. So much of my time is devoted to school that I don't have the time available that I used to for things like running.
So now I'm contemplating NOT doing a marathon this year and instead just doing a half. The reason is that the training takes half the time and the recovery is a lot shorter and easier than the marathon. I won't be as tired from the training so I can concentrate on school still and not let it slip by. It will also keep me active.
Another reason for it is to try for a half marathon PR. I did fairly well in San Antonio when I PR'd in that marathon and I'd be disappointed if I didn't PR again this year so maybe it would be wise to work on a PR in my HM instead. It's very reasonable and attainable with school.
This way I can go out with a double bang. A marathon and half marathon PR.
I say this because next year we will probably start having kids and I know I won't be able to be as active as before due to pregnancy. I'll still stay active and be out there with the group but it will be a slower me with a belly. It should be fun actually.
I'm scared and excited all at the same time because I will be graduated from nursing school AND starting a family. Two things I've waited a long time for. I'm really looking forward to a family. Ever since I met my husband, I've seen him as a wonderful, caring, and loving dad. That really means a lot to me since I didn't get the chance to grow up with my dad who has the same characteristics in parenting as my husband. I want my children to have both parents in their lives.
So now I have a lot of thinking to do about this.
It's really hard to realize that you have to give up something that you love so much and keeps you healthy. I'm thinking maybe I'll focus on a triathalon as well because that will round out my fitness.
You see, my ultimate goal is to get into the best possible shape before I have kids so that I can recover fast and get back to being the active person that I am. I also want to be healthy so I will have the energy to keep up with the kids. That's a HUGE concern for me since I'm having kids a little later (I'll be 30) in life when things may start to slow down. I'm going to do my best to be involved and active with my kids.
I want to be the best mom I possibly can and I won't be able to do that if I don't take care of myself. When I take care of myself, I will be taking care of my whole family because I will be happier and have more energy to do what I need to do.
Yeah I'm a slug today. I woke up somewhere between 0615 n 0630 and have accomplished only one thing for the day. Doseage homework and that sucked. Otherwise my butt has been plastered to this computer chair. I'm begining to think that the computer is evil. I should be napping now but instead I'm here.
I worked yesterday. Man, was it a long day! Luckily my side wasn't busy with call bells but rather we were acuity busy if that makes sense. In a way I'd rather be busy with call bells becasue anyone can answer them while you are doing your other work but when it's acuity that gets you, all your time and energy goes to that sick person or people. It was people in my case yesterday.
Then on top of not feeling like I was doing my job that well as far as ADL's go, I find out that I'm working with someone who is a clinical instructor at my school! So now I'm totally freaking out because I know people talk. Especially nurses and I'm sure she'll talk about me to other instructors. I just hope it's good but now that I know this, I will be on pins and needles every time I work with her and it's not a good feeling. It's kind of this impending doom feeling that I get because I feel like I have to impress her so that she doesn't talk bad about me to other instructors. I feel like I have to convince her that I really am a good worker and know my stuff.
I just don't know what to do and it's driving me nuts.
So church on Saturday night was just AMAZING!!!!!!!! The message was just what I needed to hear. When the service ended I looked at the husband and told him that this service reminded me of when we first started going to this church 1.5 years ago. This series has really spoken to my heart. It's amazing and it makes me proud to say that I am a part of this church. I want to tell the world about this place! This is my home. That's for sure!
Running is going OK. I'm going to a track workout tonight. The weather looks like it will be good so I'm looking forward to that. Maybe that's what I need, just to get out.
I've never been one that has been able to sit comfortably at home all day. I have to get out and get some fresh air or else I go stir crazy! I remember being at my dad's house when I was little, like 5, 6, 7 years old and feeling this way. He would see it and ask if I had "cabin fever" and I'd tell him yes. He is so good to me. So anyway, he would take me to the park for a few hours and I remember feeling so much better after! They usually say like father like son but in my case it's more along the lines of.........like father like daughter. And I'm A-OK with that!!! :-)
I still don't know when the auditions for church are going to happen but I've been singing every day to make sure I'm ready. I'm hoping I can get with someone who plays guitar and practice with them before I go in for the real thing. I'm so nervous at the thought of doing a feature song but at the same time I have to try. I can't explain exactly why I have to try, I just do. The worst thing that can happen is they say no and I still get to participate in the choir. I may be a little bummed if they say they can't use me (OK a lot bummed) but I still have the choir. Overall I'm just happy to be involved in the ministery and I'm sure I'll go wherever God needs me. I just have to put my faith and trust in Him and know that He will take care of me.
We tried to get ahold of the brother in law on his birthday last week but we couldn't so I went to his myspace page and saw that he's logging in on that. I sent him a message. I hope he replies. It's amazing how the DH and the BIL are polar opposites! The BIL barely graduated high school and is now kind of "wandering" around working when he wants/can (he does landscaping and doesn't work in the winter). I worry about him a lot. I'd hate to see him get into serious trouble. He's that kind of guy that it would come easily for him. He's the closest thing I have to a "real" brother and I love him to death. I'd fight to the end for him if I had to. It would break my heart if anything ever happened to him. I keep praying that one day he will grow up and become a responsible adult holding a steady job and getting his life in order. He's young though and I have to remind myself of what I was like at that age. I'm sure people said the same things about me. It's amazing what growing older does to you and I'm not even 30 yet!!!!!!!!!
So I did my first ever injection today! Wohoo!!!! It was pretty exciting! Our whole day today was on med admin and our group ended with this.
I was so nervous! They had us practice a few times before doing it. I ended up going through 3 practice needles becasue I kept bending them! The first one I bent while getting the air bubbles out and the second one was a different syringe and I think I bent the needle when I recapped it. Third time was the charm!
Before we did the injections on each other we had to show our instructor one more time our technique to make sure we had it down and then we went for it!
It wasn't so bad! I was the first in line to recieve and my partner did a really good job. We were all nervous though and it showed! I was trembling but when it came right down to it, the trembles and nerves stopped because I was concentrating so hard.
I did my injection and all went very smoothly! It felt really good to finally do that first one. Hopefully next time I won't be so nervous. I had our instructor double check to make sure all the bubbles were out and that I had the right amount.
Yeah baby!
I'm so aggravated. I tried so hard on this last test. I studied my ass off and I got an 88. I put a lot of time and effort into this. I guess the good thing is that I did better on this test than the first and the material is harder now but still! SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So then today I'm in the lab trying to check off on some skills and it took FOREVER to get it done. I was in the lab right around 1030 and didn't leave until after 1430!!!!!!! Do the math. That's 4 HOURS in the lab today.
What that means is that I had to forgo a run with my friends because I wouldn't have had time to study before I saw them and I really need to study.
I'm so frustrated right now. I try so hard to get an A yet I seem to be missing it every time! It's not like I'm not trying! I really don't want a B. I want to keep my grades good. It's very important to me!
I know there's always a next time for an A but the longer it takes to happen, the harder it will be to bring my average in the class up there. I don't want to just settle, I want to try my best.
I just don't know what to do. I feel like getting an A is impossible but I guess I'll just keep trying. It will come eventually. I just have to trust in the guy in the sky.
On a happy note I got an email from church today for the next choir sign up and I'm super excited about that.
This week has some potential to turn up. Today just really threw me off with being in the lab for 4 hours. Ugh!
Week 5 is done. In the bag. Completed. Over. Whew!
This week was really busy for me. Mostly because of school and then I decided to get sick in the middle of it. Luckily everything worked out. The only downside is that I had to sacrifice my running to get all my school work completed. Next week I am hoping to run 4 days. This week I'm only going to get 3 days in and about 15 miles total. Not a whole lot.
So we did our presentations on Thursday. Our group was assigned the school aged child. It was so much fun. We did our presentation based on the game show Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader. My responsibility was the power point. It wasn't hard but just time consuming. I also read the commercials. We did two of those and they turned out so cute! Our group worked pretty well together. I hope they don't split us up. We all get along.
Tuesday is when I decided to get sick and now I have to make an appointment at the doctor to see what is going on. I got another piece of food stuck in my throat but this time it wouldn't come out. It lasted for 4 hours and was misery. My throat hurt for two days after.
Because of that, I left school early and had to make up my Doseage Calc midterm. I was actually bummed because I was totally ready to take that test. I made that up on Wednesday.
Normally I go to the lab on Wednesday to check off on my skills but I was so exhausted from Tuesday that I went home and slept for a few hours and was still tired after that.
Luckily my energy was more normal on Thursday and I was really excited about the presentation which helped I'm sure.
Today was a boring but important day. Today we went over medication administartion ad nauseum. That was the hard part. They drilled into us things like the basic patient rights and how to avoid med errors. They showed a video that was just on med errors that I never thought was going to end! It was as helpful to watch as it was painful.
So next week I have to hit the lab hard and get signed off on my last few skills. My goal for next week is to have them all completed and done so I will probably be in the lab on Wednesday and Thursday. I'll go Friday if I have to.
Today is a wierd day. It all started out good and fine. I was a little tired but nothing too terrible. My throat has been scratchy since Sunday after church but no big deal.
Today I sat down to eat my lunch and some food got lodged in my esophagus. This is not fun nor comfortable. I would rather have the flu than this. It's not the first time this has happened but it's the first time in probably a year that it was as bad as it was. It all started about 10am and finally resolved about 2pm.
Because of this I went to talk to my doseage instructor to let her know what was going on and she is going to let me make up the midterm. I feel so stupid but at the same time there is no way I was going to be able to sit through a whole exam without inturrupting the class and not to mention the lack of concentration on my part.
It's just odd because I'm not "sick" like a fever or anything, I just had some food lodged in my throat. I was breathing OK and everything.
I tried for at least an hour before class to dislodge it with no luck.
Now I am just exhausted. The way my body tries to get rid of the food in my esophagus is the same way it tries to empty the stomach and that wears a person out.
My stomach is still spasming a little but I was able to eat some food. I'll try some more in a little while.
I think I'll stick to soft foods for the next few days just to make sure it doesn't happen again.
What can I say about this past weekend other than WOW!!!!!!! Yeah God!!
I sang with the choir at church for the first time this weekend and it was amazing! I was so exhausted after the last service today but it was a good exhausted to have. The experience of being up on the stage and seeing the people from a different angle really made an impact on me.
We sang Everyday, Forever, Jesus Paid It All, Sweetly Broken, and the feature song was A New Hallelujah by Michael W Smith. How amazing! By the 5th service we all had it together and it sounded so smooth and sweet.
During our 4th set, the person who sang the feature song sat out to save his voice and he said that we all sounded so good that we made him cry. There is no greater compliment than that!!! He did an amazing job as well. His voice was perfect for this song and his stage presence was just amazing. He really got the crowd involved and going.
We were talking between the 4th and 5th sets and we discovered that we both live in the same neighborhood a block away from each other! I'm so excited about that. I'm really hoping to get to know him better because he is an amazing man.
I also found out that the sister of one of the head music people is in nursing school with me. Saturday night he was asking me if I knew this person and started explaining what she looks like and then today she was asking me the same questions. That's when I found out that her sister is in my class so when I go back on Tuesday I'm going to look for her and say hi.
What a small world we live in! It's amazing how God makes things happen in your life. I came to this church for a reason and joined the choir for a reason. I believe that God gave me this gift of music to bring people to Him.
This weekend I brought......now get this............................12 people with me all because I invited them to come watch me sing!! That's 12 people that came to church that may not have known what we are about! How amazing is that?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!
I know for sure that at least half of them are interested in coming back! Yeah God!!!!!
I was so comfortable being up on the stage that I decided I'm going to audition to be a feature singer. Really I'll take what ever they offer, choir, background, or feature. I'm just truely happy to be involved in any way that I can.
I really believe that I have found my calling!
I also met a woman who is a nurse and works at one of the local hospitals as an OR nurse. That was cool.
I brought my books so I could try to study during the services but I only managed to study during one service. The rest of the time I just gabbed and got to know people.
There was a guy named Moses who was so helpful to me on the first day. If it weren't for him, I would have been totally lost. He was so kind and generous in helping me learn the ropes that I'll be forever grateful.
Then there was Steve. He had one of the most important jobs of all.......he stocked the food cabinet and fridge with food for all of us to eat while we were there. I had no idea that the church fed us while we served! That makes me want to donate more money to the church to support it in any way I can. It also helps me understand where the money is going. If it weren't for donations, there would be no food, and therefore there would have been a lot of crabby singers this weekend.
I was so comfortable being up there. I felt like I was home again. I felt like I belonged there.
I learned a few valuable lessons this weekend. One was that my black high heel boots look super cute but didn't feel so well on the feet when standing in place and shifting my weight back and forth.
Lesson number two was to dress lightly. We had to wear all black but I don't think I'll layer my clothes again. It really does get hot under the lights on stage!
They had to rearrange us for the second set. During the first set I was on the top riser and mostly out of the lights but then they moved me down to the first riser and I was right in the beam. Whew!!!!
Lesson number three is to bring a brush and some extra deodorant with me. I sweat so bad today my armpits were soaked!! I'm so glad we were wearing black so it didn't really show.
The next time we sing it will be the end of March and I'm so excited for it!!!!!!!
I'm looking forward to getting to know the people in this ministry. It's nice because we all have this same passion.
Wohoo it's Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have three days in which I don't have to go to school!!!
Today actually went really well considering my lack of sleep the last few nights. We did care plans today. Real care plans with a head to toe assessment. I enjoyed it so much. I'm begining to feel more and more like a real nurse. I also understand more why nurses are always so stressed out. There really is a lot to do.
Granted, when we are in the real world we are not going to be doing the full care plans that we are doing in school but we still have to think through all of this in our heads and it is a lot of information to process.
It amazes me how quickly the nurses I work with can assess someone and they do it well. Critical care is so awesome. All of their skills are so fine tuned and they can sense things before they happen. They're wonderful nurses and I've learned so much from them that I've now been able to utilize at school.
I'm really enjoying school right now. Working on these care plans, at least at this point, requires a lot of reading and research. I know I will learn so much by doing this and I'm so excited about that. This is what nursing school is all about for me.
Yes we have the down and dirty hard skill such as helping with ADL's, dropping NG's, doing Foleys, administering meds, doing IV's but to me, the soft stuff is where nursing really happens and this is what excites me the most.
I'm also now understanding why school has gone the way it has so far. It's all coming together for me. Now I'm wanting to do this work so I can master what it is I need to know.
Now that we are doing head to toe assessments, the other parts that we got really click and seem to come quite naturally to me. I was so worried about doing each individual part but when put all together, I feel confident.
Next week I'm hoping to get checked off on wound care and all of my assessments.
I figured I could use a page such as this where I can just write about what is going on with nursing school and how I'm surviving it. The intention of this page is not to gain friends or anything else. If that happens, great but if not, that's OK too. The purpose of this blog is to journal and just let things out about school.
To start off I was looking for a nice nurse related picture to put for the profile pic since I want to stay relatively anonymous on here. I couldn't beleive how many "sexy nurse" pictures I found with these women in nurse costumes with their boobs hanging out and their asses and vaginas (yes I said it!) showing!
I take pride in the fact that in just over a year I will be a registered nurse. This is a PROFESSIOAL job. Not something to joke at. Nurses have huge jobs, not just huge boobs. We're responsible for so much yet there are people mocking the profession. It makes me very sad.
So anyway, I'm about 4 weeks into my first semester and already the stress is really getting to me. I had my first breakdown last Friday. It wasn't strictly about school, it was about everything. Home life, trying to fit in exercise, school, and the general turning upside down of the life that comes with this transistion. I felt better after that but something happened and I feel like I'm going to burst again.
You see, I keep having these nightmares. They are about school but they're bad enough that they keep waking me up at night. I have them 2-3 times a week and only since nursing school has started. This really sucks.
So yes, I'm anxious about school because there is so much that they are throwing at us but then to add the nightmares (ie waking up in the middle of the night hyperventilating, heart racing, and diaphoretic) is not a good thing. A good night of sleep for me is one in which I don't have a nightmare or wake up an hour before my alarm clock goes off.
I can feel the stress in my chest. This is not a good thing. I know and am aware of this. I just wish there were something I could regularly do to combat this and return to a functioning normal. If only there were a yoga class that I could afford to go to. I think that would help.
So anyway, today was the first day in class that we were in full uniform. When I woke up in the morning it felt just like I was getting ready for another day at work as a tech but the uniform changed.
It's amazing how when something that should seem so insignificant can make such an impact on how you view things.
Today it felt official that I am a nursing student. Today I felt like the nurse and was proud to say that.
Of course today we are getting to the stuff I've been looking forward to which is doing our care plans.
Yeah I know a lot of students rant and rave about the care plans but I beleive in their purpose. I'm excited to finally get to learn potential complications (PC's) and what I as a nurse can do about them to help the patient stay in a state of well being.
I'm finally going to take charge and be the nurse.
Tomorrow we are doing full head to toe assessments on each other and we have to come up with a disease process for our partner to write a care plan on. We can chose a disease covered this semester or something that we have ourselves.
I am going to pick asthma because that is what I have. How exciting! We're going to do what we've been talking about all along.
I was just reviewing the material that will be on the next test and it's a lot. The next test will have Nursing Diagnosis, Skin (assessment and wound care), Fluids and Electrolytes, Care Planning, Growth and Development, and finally Culture! This is just one test! No wonder why my heart feels like it is constantly pounding in my chest!
We got our IPR's back today. This was a communication project we did where we went to the senior center, held a conversation with a senior, and then had to evaluate it.
The instructors are making us all do it over again. I think it's because they didn't explain it well enough. Almost everyone in class put down the wrong techniques because the instructors didn't clarify exactly what they were looking for.
I think this time it will be easier but I really find this whole idea rediculous! I don't understand why they are so intent on us learning these techniques. This is something that comes naturally after spending some time at the bedside. You learn through your mistakes and move on. For some stupid reason they just want us to put names to all the things we use when talking to someone.
So whatever. I'll redo it.
Tonight is going to suck because I really could use seeing my husband since I didn't see him last night but that won't happen. Last night I had to go somewhere and tonight he has school and will go straight there from work. I'll see him as a sleeping lump in the bed in the morning. That sucks so bad.
It's really hard with both of us being in school. He's in the early stages of his degree but is taking evening classes and I'm obviously in the busy part of mine with classes during the day and then commitments to other things at night. I've changed a few things so I can see him more often but it's still hard. This will be 48 hours in which we will have had all of about an hour to see and talk to each other before I have to go to bed.
Another good thing is that I'm getting to really know and connect with a lady in my clinical group. I really like her a lot. We were talking this morning and I found out that she goes to the sister of my church. Well, the church I go to actually is an offspring of her church. Either way we found something we really have in common. It was nice. I've felt kind of lost. Yeah I have some friends that I hang out with but I haven't really connected with them but now I've found a group I connect with. It made today a lot easier than days past. It's nice to know that you are not alone, that there are other people there with you.
Time for a run with non-nursing school friends (NNS friends). Hopefully I'll feel less stress after this.
