TurboNurse

This is my adios blog.  I will not be blogging while I'm out of town.

Things are feeling better though.  I checked into my flight this morning and got my seat assigned.  I got a window seat which is OK.  I'm so restless that I do better in an inside seat so I don't bug people when I get up to use the bathroom (which is inevitable).  The row is only two seats so I can do this.  On the flight home, my seat is in the inside right by the coffee bar so there will be noone across from me.  Yay!  So far I have the whole row to myself so maybe I can take a nap on the way home (unless it fills up).

I'm still stressed about all the different people involved in stuff but whatever.  Next time I am getting a hotel somewhere or going to only one person's house and if anyone wants to come see me, they can come to me.  So much less stress.

I guess you can say I've learned my lesson.

!Adios!

So a lot of good things happened today. 

I called the BON yesterday to ask what the holdup was on getting my GN permit and lo and behold, it shows up today!  Yay!!!!  I guess I just had to bug them about it a little.

Another super duper good thing is that work finally got me in the system right and they caught it in time so that I will have my missing pay in my account tomorrow!  Wohoo!!!

Two very big things taken care of and I am stressing a lot less about.

Then comes the trip. 

The whole point of the trip was to go see my sister and to get out of town for some much needed R&R.  Well, things didn't work out how I'd hoped (I wanted to just go see my sister and that was it but flights were prohibitively expensive to get to where she lives).  So now I am flying into Chicago, which is great.  I totally HEART the Windy City but now that I'm going there, it seems that everyone wants a piece of me and I'm only one person and can't please everybody.

What was once supposed to be a nice trip to see family now has too many hands involved (partly because I have a hard time saying no, although I did say no to a few ideas that my mom came up with)

I always wonder why I do this to myself.  I do have to admit that it has gotten better but it's so hard when I go home to see family because they are so spread out about northern Illinois and Iowa that I can't possibly spend the time with everyone that they would like me to and that I would like to do as well.

I think next time I want to see family I will tell them that I will be at "X" and if they want to see me, they can come along.  AND I WILL MEAN IT!!!!!!! *insert sarcasm and a stubborn foot stomp*

Ok, now that's off my chest I can go back to work stuff.  I'm super excited to have only one more day of classroom stuff.  Tomorrow morning is free to us to work on our annual competencies and then in the afternoon we have a lecture on..............ta-da!................stress management!  This could not have happened at a better time.

I'm now in disbelief at how fast these past two and a half weeks have gone by.  I can't believe they are going to release me to the floor now!  I know I'm going to be eased into the process but this is it folks!  In 12 very very short weeks, I will be out and practicing nursing on my own and I'm so scared!!!!

My mantra for these next 3 months is probably going to go something like..........."I don't know crap but I know I will rock this job" or some variation thereof.  I imagine at first it's going to be more of the "I don't know crap why did I even go to school" variety and over the weeks I'm hoping to transition into "I KNOW  I can rock this job".

Wish me luck!  I hit the floor next Thursday!

So after my little mini breakdown that I had the other day, I'm feeling much better.

I'm still concerned about getting my GN permit and all that but right now I'm more excited about my trip to Chicago/home.

Before I start that, I wanted to let you know how TKD is going.  Tonight was an unusually large class because they had to switch our schedules for a going away party for a couple of the kids in the school so we started at 5:30 instead of 7:30.  It was really nice.

Mike was the instructor tonight.  He always works us hard.  We did a lot of kicking drills, 510 kicks altogether for the class.  We did the kicking in between our patterns.  We were all wiped but it was an awesome workout.

I just wanted to mention TKD because it's starting to fall into place more.  Things are coming out a lot easier than they were and my kicks are getting better in both form and speed.  Plus I'm just feeling stronger overall.  TKD is a wonderful sport!

I'm already trying to plan what I will bring with me on my trip home.  I'm not quite sure yet but I want something cute and girly to wear.  I plan on brining a summer dress or two but from there, I'm not so sure.  I am going to pack some workout clothes so that I  can do at least one good TDK workout while I'm there.  Maybe I will even get someone to do it with me!!  That would be fun!

I'm hoping that once I get back to a regular schedule, regular being working 12 hr days and being off for 4 days a week, I will be able to get back into a regular running schedule.

I'm really starting to miss running.  Just a little bit.

It's really hard trying to plan a run when you are working 5 days a week.  I am not a 5 day work week kind of gal.  I love my 3 12's and can't wait to get back to them and my regularly scheduled life.

I don't know if I'm officially lost or what but I am still not an official nurse in the system at work yet.  This is driving me absolutely nuts!  This is my biggest stressor right now by far because this is messing with my finances and you don't want to mess with a girls finances!!

I've been called and emailing HR every day and now have my unit manager, the nurse residency manager, and her assistant on the case so the poor HR person is getting it from everyone!  I figure the more noise I make and the more heat I put on them, the quicker it will get fixed.

I still don't have my graduate nurse permit either and I think it may be because of the HR issue.  Gah!!!!!

On a good note, I only have three more torturous (however you spell it) days in the classroom and then I am set free to go do my nurse thing.  Yay!

Being in the classroom has been wearing on all of us.  We're not learning anything new.  It seems like they just put us there for putting us theres sake (I hope that makes sense).  It's completely pointless.

After Friday it won't matter much though.  I will be flying to Chicago to spend time with my family who wasn't able to make it down for my graduation and pinning and I'm totally excited about that.  My aunt, cousin, and I are going to stay the night in Chicago on Saturday and then come home on Sunday, hopefully Sunday evening so we can spend some extra time in Chicago.  I will be there through Tuesday.

Then I hit the unit on Thursday.  As the day gets closer, I get more and more scared.  I've at least walked through the unit now so I know what it looks like and know the general layout but even still.  The only neonates I've ever delt with have been of the healthy kind, not the sick kind.

I know once I get in there I will be OK it's just having my first day looming over my head like a cloud along with the pay stuff and waiting for my ATT to take the NCLEX which I hope will come soon.

I know I've said it before but I just want to get this thing over and done with!!!  Once I take it, I know that some of this extra weight I've been carrying on my shoulders will be gone.

The stress has just been getting me lately.  It's actually been worse than when I was in nursing school.  I'm sure the hormones from coming off birth control aren't helping but even still!  Yeesh!!  A girl can only take so much before she breaks and I totally broke yesterday.  I'm not sure what it was but there was a straw somewhere that totally broke the camels back and it broke big!

At least I feel better today.  I am exhausted and can hardly keep my eyes open but at least I'm not like this crazy monster who is angry and yelling at one minute and crying the next.  I feel very even keel and if I have to be tired to feel "normal", I'll take it any day!

Now for some ice cream!

Yay for the weekend!  It started off pretty busy.  Yesterday morning I ran with the group and then went to breakfast at a place called The Grove downtown.  It was a nice place.  After that I came home, showered up and tried to lay down to take a nap with no avail.

Our friends had a birthday party for their girls last night so we went to that.  It was good times.  I really enjoy our friends and their two daughters a lot.  They are the kind of good people that you want to keep around in your life forever.

My job came up for just a little while and it's amazing how I'm still in disbelief that I got this position.  Even though I'm going up and down in my feelings about it, it all comes down to the fact that I still feel blessed for this opportunity.

Other than that, things are going fine.  The hormones are still all over the place since stopping birth control.  It seems that about 85% of the time I feel normal and the other 15% of the time is spent biting my tounge because the evil twin seems to come out.  I don't like it when that happens.  I'm glad I'm able to recognize it though and try to do something about it.  Each passing week it's getting better and better.  I'm hoping that I get all straightened out soon.

I talked to the guy who owns the tae kwon do studio that I go to asking him when we are going to be testing so that I can make sure I am off that day and I get a text back from him saying to not worry about it, he will work with me on it.  I thought that was really cool of him.  I do still want to go to the formal testing day though.  I want to cheer on my fellow teammates as they also rank up.  I love watching the higher belts test as well.  It really inspires me to go home and practice so that I can be at that level one day.

Today was Albuquerque's annual bike to work day which is the high point, to me at least, of the Strive not to Drive week.

I didn't have to be to the hospital until 9:30 so I decided to go for it!  It's something I've always wanted to do but with working 12-13 hour days, I would be too exhausted to ride home and I'm not so motivated to get up at 5am either.  Another nice motivator is because it was a special bike to work day, a local organization http://www.bikeabq.org/ had special tables set up around town on popular commute routes and it just so happens that the route I take to work is one of them.

We biked on this day last year but it wasn't for a commute, we just went out and it happened to be a special day so we hit up the tables and got all kinds of goodies.  I really enjoyed it and wanted to do it again this year and was starting to plan a ride until I got a job.  Then I realized that today is a late start day for me and I got very excited and started planning my commute.  :)

My husband wanted me to have some backup just in case I got into a pickle and needed some bailing out so I set that up.  Turns out that my backup rode the first 5 or 6 miles with me this morning and made her daughter our backup now. 

I really enjoyed having company for the first half of my commute this morning.  Although it did slow the pace, I still enjoyed it and, not counting making a stop at the train station where bikeABQ was at, still made it to work in less than an hour.

It feels so good to know that I got my exercise in during my commute (talk about multitasking!) AND also helped the environment, not to mention, save a few bucks in gas as well.  I wish we lived just a little closer so that I could make this a daily habit.

On the way home, I caught up to a guy at a street crossing and we started to talk.  He apparently recognized me from the stop this morning so we hung out for the last 2-3 miles of the commute since we were both going to the same place.  His name is Dave and he commutes by bike about 4 days a week, 18 miles round trip. 

Speaking of which, it was amazing how differently people treated me on the way home (there were more people out on the way home than on the way in since I went in at an odd time).  I got lots of nods and "How's it going".  The feel was totally different from when I'm out for exercise on the bosque.  But then again, the bosque has a crowd all of it's own you could say.

Today I burned about 1200 calories round trip, saved 2-3 dollars (about a gallon of gas, my car gets good mileage), and had a blast doing my part of getting cars off the road and decreasing emissions.

For some reason I'm just not seeing myself in the nurse role.  I say this because I had to sign a bunch of paperwork today for my job and the title line said RN.  I'm so used to being in a different role that I feel like I don't fit in with RN yet.   I know that one day it will kick in and I really will fit and see myself as the nurse but for now I just want to say "Let me get the nurse!"

Why do I keep going up and down in confidence?  I'm not even on the unit yet and my confidence has dipped already.

I hate this feeling.  I keep wondering if I can really do this and handle this.  Maybe it dipped because I realized that I will be going to nights very soon.

I'm very concerned about the 6 weeks of classroom time I will be having where it will be during the day and I will be working during the night.  I can tell you right now that I will not be handling that transition well at all.  6 weeks is a really long time to be doing that as well.

What is of great concern is that I will make a big mistake and that the shifting between the two different schedules will really mess with me and make me have a bad attitude.

It's sort of starting to all sink in today that I am going to be a nurse.  I went and talked to the UBE for our unit to get some things straightened out and got to get a peek of the schedule.  It's really cool to see my name on there with the nurses.

It's also sinking in that I will be going to nights soon.  I'm a little nervous about this just because I've never done it before but at the same time it may work out quite well because the weather is going to be perfect to run after work, which I can do since there are several great running routes close by, and the gym is going to be fairly empty at 8am because most people will be comuting to work while I'm at the end of my day.

So far there is really nothing new to report.  I had my benefits orientation today.  They are quite expensive.  My benefits are free but if I want to add my husband on my health insurance, it's almost $500 a month!!!!!! 

Today was a skills day and I felt like I was back in school.  Really this whole thing has felt like school.  It's a mix between being in the classroom and doing hands on skills.  The difference is I'm a nurse now and I'm getting paid for this!

The skills are hard for me to get into though because they are geared toward adults and adult care which I'm not going to do.  I had a very hard time paying attention because of that.

It looks like I'm going to have 5 days off between finishing my classroom time and starting on the unit.  I really hope we can plan for our Vegas vacation in that time.

It seems that I have already completed the majority of my competencies so I'm very happy about that.  I got a TON of them to do as an extern at the begining of the year that I completed back in February.

I turned my paperwork into the BON yesterday and also registered with PearsonVUE and gave them my left leg to test.  It's pretty expensive to take the NCLEX.   Now I'm waiting on my ATT and as soon as I get that, I'm going to sign up and take my test.

Until next time.

So this is what I did today on a much needed day off for myself. 

We woke up at 4am.  There should be some sort of law about waking up so early that Starbucks isn't even open yet.  After blindly stumbling around the house, we made it to our friends house to make the drive with them.  We met two more friends so we had a small caravan making our way up to Santa Fe at 0500.  My husband drove up and quite honestly, I don't remember much of it other than it seemed that the drive went really fast.

There is something to be said about getting out of town, even if it is only for a day.  There is nothing like a change of scenery to refresh the soul.

It was pretty cold for New Mexico when we got there, just before the sun rose.  All 8 of us were standing around in jackets and pants over our biking clothes.  I was in flip flops and thought that my toes were going to freeze off.

We ate the pancake breakfast that they offered.  I'm not quite sure of the flavor of the pancakes due to the immense amount of syrup that I tend to use but I do know they had pinon nuts in them.  They also served turkey sausage.  It was disgusting.  Normally I love that but this was the most horrid stuff ever so I ate some regular sausage which is extremely rare for me but I did it knowing that I was doing a bike ride in a few hours.

I don't really suggest eating something as fatty as pork sausage before any sort of exercise.  About 15 miles in, I burped some of it up.  Let's just say I have no desire to eat the stuff ever again. 

The ride itself was OK.  Nothing special about it made me want to come back and do it again next year.

I ended up just doing the supposed 25 mile ride since I have not been on the bike at all since breaking my elbow.  Today was the first day I was released from the doctor to ride.  Yay!

The major thing I didn't like about the ride is that about 7-8 miles of the ride (14-16 miles total on the out and back course) was ridden ON interstate 25 where the speed limit is 75mph and there were NO SIGNS up warning people on the interstate that there was a bike race going on so these people are absolutely blowing by us.  It was a little scary.  I kept thinking about someone being nasty and throwing their trash at us.  At those speeds, that could be devastating.  At least the interstate has a HUGE shoulder right there to ride on.

Only two of us did the 25 (which was actually 20 miles) and 5 did the 50 mile route (2 did the loop and 3 did the out and back version).  After we all finished up we headed over to the Second Street Brewery for some beer and food.  It was so-so.  I have no desire to go back there again but I'm glad that I at least tried it

On our way out of town we stopped at the outlets.  I didn't find anything to buy, nothing struck me, but my husband found a few things and a friend got a real nice looking purse at the Coach outlet.

All I have to say is that I love stress release and exercise is my favorite way of getting some stress off.  I feel so much better now.  Much less anxious about the job and all the changes around that.

Yes, even though I am unit based and not officially a nurse resident, I do still get the benefit of the education offered by the residency program.  It's really a good deal.  Since I'm unit based, I don't have to spend 3-4 months in different units, I go straight to home (and collect my $200 along the way----monopoly pun).

Yesterday was my first day.  It was pretty alright.  We got set up with our CBO's which are new hire check off books that we have to complete within one year of hire and goes toward our CAP points.  CAP is basically earning pay raises based on education, research, and unit based stuff.

We also have two books that are self study and we have to submit our test online for grading.  I'm going to work on those and have them done hopefully by the end of next week.

The day was actually quite boring.  We did our introductions in the morning and our educators talked to us about the program and what to expect from it and what their expectations are from us.

After that, which took about 3 hours, we started doing NCLEX review.  They just popped in the CD from the Saunder's review guide, which I have already, and we did questions from the CD one at a time.  I can't believe I'm actually getting paid my nurses salary to study for the NCLEX!

With all the review we are going to do over the next two weeks, there should be no reason at all for me to fail.  It seems that over 50% of our time in class is spent on review!  I'm actually quite happy for that!  I feel like I'm being set up for success and as a new nurse, I couldn't ask for anything better.

The class is quite small.  There are a total of 24 of us.  Only two in our class are from my graduating class from CNM so needless to say we are quite outnumbered.  I'm so glad that the other CNM person is someone that I know and like.  We are also hired on to the same unit.  I'm very excited about that!!

We got to talking about our positions because we made one HUGE observation.  All of the people in our class were hired from the inside.  I think all the UNM grads were interns, I was an extern, and my counterpart was a tech.  I'm not sure how many got scholarships but I know the two of us from CNM did.

It also seems that they had already preselected us for our positions.  The positions that are taken by the UNM grads were posted but I was told by HR that those positions were not hiring for new grads but here they are filled by new grads.  That's what makes me think we were all preselected for our positions.  I would be real interested in knowing why they preselected me for NICU.  Especially since I have zero NICU experience.  Who knows.  I can speculate all day on it but in the end it really doesn't matter.  I am still feeling totally blessed for this opportunity!

We get ample time to complete our RN competencies so I will be brining my laptop along with me to work on those so that I make sure I get paid for doing them and don't have to worry about finding a computer.  I'm going to go shopping today to look for a laptop carrier bag thing so I have something to carry it in when I ride the shuttle to and from the hospital.

I'm sure there is more to cover but I can't think of it right now.

I'm off to go get my NCLEX paperwork notaraized to walk it over on Monday so I can get my ATT ASAP.  I just want to take the NCLEX and move on so then I can concentrate more on learning my job.

T-minus one day and counting until I start my new position.

I'm so excited about this that I couldn't sleep at all last night!  I had so many things going through my head about what I need to do today like grocery shop!  I haven't done a good grocery shopping in about a month.  Needless to say it's just a bit overdue.

I also keep hoping that I get to see some fellow classmates in the classroom with me tomorrow.

So far I haven't heard of anyone getting hired on anywhere.  I know one other person who interviewed on the same day I did at a different hospital and is doing their second interview on Friday.  Other than that, I haven't heard a thing.

This is how much of a dork I am.  I am making sure that my camera is nice and charged so I can take pictures.  I totally *heart* pictures and am so happy that I got my little camera for Christmas! 

I already have my scrubs laid out and everything.  I even set my alarm this morning to make sure that I at least wake up at about the time I need to tomorrow.  Not that I got out of bed or anything but I was at least conscious for a good 45 minutes when my alarm went off before I fell back asleep.

I'm super nervous about starting on nights but at the same time I'm excited.  I've been doing a lot of reading on http://www.allnurses.com/ lately about night shift and have read good and bad.  I'm doing my best to keep an open mind and who knows, maybe it will work out really good for me!

I'm already planning how I want to do my schedule to still have a life and am very excited about it!  I like the idea that i will get off at about 0730 and be able to go to the gym and do something after work or even before work.

I'm not quite sure how it's going to work out with tae kwon do and running.  I'm going to talk to the guy who owns the studio to see if I can open up my options and get permission to go to the advanced class so that I can keep coming and not have to drop.  I really enjoy it so much and it keeps me excited and energized.  I'd hate to have to quit.  :(  He's a reasonable guy so I'm guessing I will get permission to go. 

Another benefit to going to the advanced classes is that there are more people my size there.  I'm one of the oldest in my class right now which ranges from about 13 years old on up.  It's me and one other guy who comes.  We had another guy join last week but I didn't see him on Monday.  I sure hope to see him tonight.

OK, I'm just rambling now.

I had this totally awesome blog done and for some reason, the site didn't post it! Grrrrr.....

As the title says, I'm a NICU nurse now!!

I got the job offer this morning soon after I woke up! I start on Thursday. Two and a half weeks are going to be in the classroom and then I will hit the floor with my preceptor for my orientation. Wow! My orientation will be up to 16 weeks with a mix of being on the floor and doing specific neonatal classes.

I actually start off with the nurse residency people before I go to the floor. This is where I will be doing my NCLEX prep.

I never in my life thought I would end up in the NICU. Adult ICU wouldn't have surprised me because that is where a lot of my tech experience is.

I guess the signs were there all along though.

I ran into one person before I got accepted into nursing school (was working on pre-reqs) and was trying to recruit me into the NICU. She made it sound really good and got my interest but then we parted ways.

At about the same time I met that person, I met another guy in my NAHA class that wanted to do NICU and nothing but NICU. He graduated some time before I did and got into NICU at another hosptial. Several months ago, I find this person on facebook and friend him.

One of the first people I ever met in nursing school was a tech in the NICU and had nothing but good to say about it.

Even after all of these signs and messages from God, I denyed that I would make a good NICU nurse. I always said that peds scared the crap out of me and I couldn't see myself doing this.

Then comes level 4 nursing (my last semester) where we do our peds rotation and guess what? I FELL IN LOVE with peds!!! It was the one and only rotation that I can honestly say that about! I LOVE working with the little bitties and the kiddos! I wish we had more time to do that in school. I actually loved it so much that I wanted to request my preceptorship for school to be with the kids but I got scared and backed out. Instead I went to the medical cardiac ICU because that was my comfort. I don't regret my decision though.

I'm just amazed!

I still have not set foot inside a NICU but I did a lot of research to prepare for the job. During my research, I came across a lot of people saying that they have been in the NICU for years and couldn't imagine doing anything else! I hear about burnout all the time and even went through it myself in the adult settings but not so much with peds and neonates.

I feel truly blessed to have this opportunity. I feel like I'm just being set up to reach my dreams/goals.

The NICU is mostly run by nurse practitioners and that is my end goal. So now I will look into going to school for my NNP. I can also do transport which fulfills my dream of being a flight nurse!!!! Plus several other opportunities that are available.

I feel like the sky is the limit and I'm so glad that I answered the door when God knocked!

When HR called the first time asking me if I want my resume sent on to the NICU manager, I immediately said yes. Not because I really wanted NICU but because I wanted a job. In the days following, I did a lot of praying and talking with God asking Him if this is what I am ment to do.

The answer was always a resounding Yes!! You are doing what you are ment to do!!

Whew!!!

I also got the greatest compliment I could ever get from a clinical instructor. She told me I "have the makings of a most excellent nurse."!!!! Can you believe it?!?!?!? I about cried when I saw that!

I had my interview in the NICU today and totally nailed it!

I was so nervous while waiting but I did as they said and called them when I got off the elevators to let them know I was there. The lady I talked to, Rose, said that I was quite early (15 minutes) and to just sit back because the manager was still in another interview. So I sat there and let my mind just go. I couldn't tell you what I was thinking about while waiting but the wait sure went fast.

So Rose comes out to get me and I greet her with a smile and a friendly handshake. I was surprised to see her dressed in scrubs since she is an office assistant type of person.

We make our way back to Kathy's office and she leads me in. As soon as I came in, I made eye contact with Kathy and shook her hand and told her how honored I was to have an interview with her and that I appreciate her time.

The interview started off with an overview of the unit and what I can expect as far as orientation and education go. She also hands me a sheet explaining other opportunities as a nurse in this area. I didn't know there were so many possibilities!! I'm amazed!!

After that, she asked me if I had any questions so I pulled out my handy-dandy sheet that I made last night which is full of questions and just went down the list. She had already answered about half of them with the intro/information sheet.

Then she tells me that it's her turn to ask me questions. Luckily, when I was hired on as an extern at this hospital, the questions were exactly the same so I knew how to answer them and give the rigth answers.

As we get close to the end of the interview, she asks me if I can do the job without accomodation and I paused. Then she added.......with the appropriate training. And then I told her that with that qualifier, yes, I can definately do this job. :)

When we got through that, she started talking about how her priority to hire were people that already work there (check). She went on about this for a while and really insinuated to me that she wanted to hire me but she couldn't legally give me the job offer (HR/law/union stuff i assume).

She then asks me what my manager would say about me and I told her that I would get good reviews from my manager because I've always kept communication open and have built up a good rapport with her. Then she tells me that they got a hold of two of my references. Chris Cole, who did my pediatric rotation, and Traci Atkins who was my level 1 clinical instructor. She really emphasized the good word that Chris gave for me so I'm going to have to email her and say thank you! It seems that she really put a lot of weight into what my references had to say about me.

At the end, she's telling me again that she really wants to hire from the inside and that she wants us to start ASAP so that we can get into the NCLEX review class that the hospital puts on for new grads working there. She reiterated that several times.

It was kind of funny when she was talking about hiring from the inside. She kind of gave me "the look" and I picked up on it pretty quickly and smiled at her. You know "the look" not "the bad look" but the "we want you to work for us look".

I will find out later today for sure if I have the job. She said she had to go through the HR person to finalize everything but she sounded very concrete about me getting the position.

Who ever thought that I would be a NICU nurse?!?!?!?! I was always the one in class who was like "no, hissssssssss....babies scare me!". When I did my pediatric rotation though, I absolutely fell in love with it and told my instructor (Chris) that I was very surprised to see how much I really liked it! No other area spoke to me the way peds did and I'm looking forward to NICU just screaming at me "YOU ARE HOME".

Today was my first tae kwon do tournament in over 20 years. It was a small mini-tournament that was hosted by the guy who runs the school I go to.

All in all it turned out very well.

I started my day off at about 6am to be at a run at about 7:20 or so. It's really hard waking up that early when you body is used to sleeping in until 11-noon. My internal clock has been so messed up since I graudated.

Anyhow, the run this morning went well. I did 3:1 intervals for 3 miles in the crazy cold wind. Yes! It was COLD this morning!!!!!!

I left early from there to come home and get ready for the tournament. It was so hard to not lay down and go to sleep. I seemed to manage somehow.

I get to the tournament early and they are running behind with the little-bitties (little kids) so we got a late start.

First off was patterns. I thought it was going to be breaking so I was warming up for breaking. Oops!

The pattern I chose to do is called Dan Gun (you can search for videos on youtube if you really want to see the form/pattern). I rocked it! So then I did it again because I advanced to the second round. Rocked it again!!! I make it to the third round and decide to pull out the ol Chon Ji (again, you can youtube this) and totally F'd it up in ways I didn't think I could.

I know all of my patterns very well but because I was nervous about being judged and tired as heck, I ended up coming up with my own hybrid version of Dan Gun and Chon Ji. CRAP! I totally threw any hope I had of placing with that. I did mange to make it three rounds though so I'm very happy with that.

I absolutely rocked the power breaking to make up for forms/patterns.

The first break we were to do is a hammer fist breaking two boards. I was super nervous about this one because I had never broken two boards before. Even in practice I was only doing one at a time. Thanks to a good adrenaline rush, I managed to easily break the two boards no problem! Whew!! Score for me!

The second break was a side push kick which is a pretty powerful kick. I had to break three boards and managed to do so on the frist try with no problem at all! The people behind me had problems with it but the were also half my age so I give them props for going for it!

So the end result of the day was:

one 3 mile run
FIRST place in power breaking
making round three in patterns.

After the tournament I met some friends for a drink and a super late lunch/early dinner. Yummy yummy portabello burger in my tummy!

As the hours wane away and the interview gets closer, I get more and more nervous! I'd say I need to go for another run today but I have a run AND a tae kwon do tournament on Saturday and don't want to overdo it. Plus I'm sore from yesterday's run. That's what a little over a month of not running will do for you.

Anyway, I'm heading out soon to do some shopping for interview clothes. My first, and hopefully only stop, will be Marshall's. I totally heart Marshalls!!! They can be hit and miss though. Hopefully I will get a hit.

I really need to get my hair cut and colored as well. My grown out cut looks like crap and I want to look sharp come interview day! Plus I can see where my color has grown out. I'm thinking of dying it a chestnut brown mixed with red. Right now it's a honey brown mixed with red with a few blond highlights. I really like it but I also really like change.

I keep looking at master's options and it always seems that I come back to Nurse Practitioner. I think I'm going to start gearing my experience and education in that route.

The school requirements are reasonable, it's something I know I will love, I can work in an office if I chose with no weekends, no holidays, and no nigts. I think overall this will offer me the best of both worlds to be able to have a great carreer and also a fabulous family life. All the signs are there for me to do this.

I will probably go back to school in January to take the last few classes that I need for my BSN and then start that as soon as my work (wherever that will be) will start paying for it or if things are good enough, just start off on my own and then let work pick up on it when I'm eligible.

Luckily the classes I have left are the easy ones. I did the hard ones while waiting for my ADN program to start. Patho and statistics......check!!!! I'm so glad I took patho before my ADN. It made it much easier! All I have to take is a foriegn language (will take spanish), speech, and one more humanities like sociology. Easy cheesy!!!

Oh well, I'm off of here. Have lots to do today and not enough time (as always).

Wish me luck on my tournament tomorrow!! I will be performing in two events. Forms/Patterns and power breaking. I will be doing Dan Gun form (this is the yellow belt green stripe form) and the power breaks are a side push kick and a hamer fist break. I have to do the hammer fist break with my left hand because of the broken right elbow so I'm not expecting to score high but I'm still excited about it and am looking forward to having fun.

God bless!

Alright. So I survived graduation and the pinning ceremony with only minimal tears.

Everyone kept asking me how I feel and quite honestly, I didn't feel any different. The only thing I really felt after it was all over was relief and a feeling of "now what?".

It's been almost one week now since I've graduated and I wish I could say something has changed but not really.

I've been calling an old manager about some job openings they have and got to talk to one old manager (love her) and not the one who is hiring for the posted positions. Grrrrrrr.........

I'm so tempted to keep calling. I'm at a point now that the wind has sort of come out of my sails and I don't know what to do.

On the other hand, I got a call from UNMH about an RN position in the NICU. This lead is actually going somewhere too. I have an interview at UNMH for this position on Monday.

I don't think I've ever been so scared about an interview as I am for this one! The reason is because my exposure/experience is extremely limited with neonates as compared to adults.

I feel completely comfortable doing invasive things to adults such as putting in Foley's and NG's. It doesn't bother me. The thought of doing that to someone who's life has just begun and is so innocent and has no understanding other than they don't feel good, just kills me.

I have put an in and out catheter in a baby when I worked the Pediatric ER and I felt so dirty doing that. I know I'm not a child molester but it just bothered me and made me feel like I violated this littly tiny person.

On the other hand, I did get nervous doing these things to adults when I first began as well. Over time, I've done so many that I don't even think about it anymore so there is hope for me.

I just feel so lost but at the same time, if I do get this position, I have a feeling that I will probably stay there forever!

I've been doing a lot of reading about NICU and a lot of nurses have said that they will not go anywhere else because they love it so much. You have no idea how excited I am to hear something like that with nursing! I would love it if I walked onto the unit and just fell in love!

Two of my friends from nursing school did their preceptorship in this unit. I've been in contact with one of them to get a heads up and help ease my nerves and she said that she absolutely loved this unit! Everyone was very nice to her and really helped her learn and grow as a nurse.

My interview is this Monday at 9am. It was originally scheduled for Wednesday but they moved me up on the list. I sure hope that's a good sign!

I'm praying to God every day and asking Him if this is where He really wants me to be. It seems like it becuase before I even got into nursing school (still doing prereq's) I kept running into a person who told me that NICU is where I need to go and several other things have happened during my education to put NICU in my mind and consider it. That is why I know that when I go into this interview, I will know if this is where He wants me to go or not. It's just like a gut feeling you get that you can't ignore because when God comes knocking on your door, it's a knock you can't ignore.

On that note, I'm going to to study for my interview. Yes study. I want to brush up on my knowledge of neonates before I go in so I don't look completely clueless.

PRAY FOR ME PLEASE!!!

I have now officially survived nursing school. I'm not quite sure how I did it but I did manage to come out on the other side only slightly scathed.

Yesterday really was wonderful. The pinning ceremony went very well. I had my family and friends present plus a surprise guest that I was thrilled to see. I couldn't have asked for a better experience.

Several of our instructors spoke at the ceremony but I will never forget Ms. Asbury. This woman is so filled with wisdom and wit. She is just one of those people that sticks in your mind forever because she can really speak to you, to your soul. CNM is very blessed to have such a spiritually rich person teaching the next generation of nurses. If I ever become a teacher of nursing, I want to carry on Ms. Asbury's work and spirit.

So yesterday was busy but worth every moment. I got a lifetime of memories in just one day. Most good.

So I was sitting down today opening presents from my party yesterday and was looking through books that my husband bought me: Chicken Soup for the Nurses Soul.

First off you have to know that I absolutely love these books! I've been reading them for years and even still have some from back when I was a teenager! Sometimes it's like hearing God speaking right to you through others as He does best.

It got me to thinking about why I started this journey.

I was reading the back of the book and it says: "Most people don't become nurses because of the pay, working conditions, or the convenient hours. Men and women become nurses because they want to make a difference in the lives of others through the use of their competent skills and caring hearts."

I think that sums it up quite well. I really can't pinpoint what exactly compelled me to become a nurse. Some may say it's a calling but I think it was more like being hit on the head by a hammer by God. It was so obvious to me what I wanted to do from a very early age.

Yes I deviated from that for quite a few years but God kept hitting me on the head and leading me in His direction.

I am also writing this to remind myself why I got into this.

When I was doing my preceptorship in the Medical/Cardiac ICU, I kept second guessing myself and why I was doing what I was doing. I felt so dumb and incompetent. Going in, I felt pretty good but that all went away quickly. I think one of my worst days was my final day on the unit, the Monday before Graduation.

I was giving medicines via IV just like any other day but for some reason, on this day, I was exceptionally nervous. I'm not quite sure why. I think it may be because this was one of the sickest people I had taken care of so far. I felt so overwhelmed and over my head but some how, by the grace of God, I made it through.

And now I'm ready for more! Don't get me wrong, I'm scared out of my mind but I know that God would not lead me down a path in the wrong direction.

Since I'm officially jobless, I'm now applying for jobs like mad. I have several applications out at a hospital where I got my start as a tech. I'm really praying hard and crossing my fingers that I get an interview and a job. This place has treated me so well and I would be so honored to go work for them again. I'll never forget when I was first hired on there and I felt immediately like I was at home. I feel my values really fit into this organization and we are just a good fit. If I get hired on here as a nurse, I see no reason why I would leave other than if we move.

I have been talking to people that I have worked with before and asking them to put in a good word for me. I have applied for four positions under my old manager. I called her yesterday almost as soon as the pinning ceremony was over to let her know that I was graduated and really would be honored to come work for her as an RN. I know if she hired me on, it would be a decision she would not regret.

When I first got hired on there, before I even started nursing school (had just finished prereq's and got accepted) they were asking me if I would come work for them when I graduated. I sure hope that offer still stands. I love the people I worked with there.

I forayed out into another hospital for an extern position and got to see many different units and personalities out there and I NEVER saw a team such as the ones I worked with at Pres. I have a special place in my heart for everyone there.

The teamwork is just amazing. Yes there is drama but in the end it's about getting the job done, and this team does this very effectively.

Several of my friends went to my old unit as students and of all the comments I heard about people talking in class, IMC and APC got the highest regards.

OK, I'm going to stop rambling now.